The Imperfectionist

“You had great information, but you spoke so fast I’m not sure the audience was able to absorb it all.” 

I’m sure my boss added more context, but at that point I wasn’t listening. I was already (over) explaining the reasons why I felt rushed on stage, the presentation remote was jumpy, the presenter before me went over by 5 minutes – the excuses were speeding out of my mouth faster and faster and…I guess I proved her point. 

It was the day after my first professional training experience. I settled in for our weekly one-on-one meeting expecting to debrief my presentation, not to be judged. I was prepared to receive feedback about a typo in my slides, or a question I couldn’t answer from the audience. 

Instead, we spend the first 30 minutes of the meeting talking about my public speaking skills. My heart was beating fast. I could feel my face turning red. I was quiet, nodding along to the feedback but silently begging the clock to move faster so I could go find a hole to crawl into. 

My public speaking skills are the reason I got this job after all. I was always the first to volunteer to deliver group presentations in school or give the toast at a friend’s wedding. If I’m not good at this, what am I good at?

Mercifully, the meeting was finally coming to a close. As I stood up to leave, she gave me one final piece of advice: “Embrace the pause.”  Before she could finish her thought I jumped in saying, “Of course, I’ll make sure I go slower next time I’m presenting”.

“That’s not what I mean”, she said, “next time someone is giving you feedback, take a pause before you respond. Let it sink in. Listen.”

Over the years my presentation skills have improved, so I’m grateful for the feedback that she gave me that day. But the advice that has stuck with me the most, that I’ve tried to adopt as a practice, is to embrace the pause.

Pause Goals 

Okay great, I’ve paused. Other than providing more time for me to launch my defense (kidding) – what’s the goal? Here are 3 ways I’ve used the pause for maximum benefit. 

1. Breathe and Reflect: Emotions can run high and a deep breath is a physiological cue for your body to move beyond a fight or flight response. Next, reflect on the feedback you received. Do you understand it? Does it ring true? Is this something you can use to grow? Taking a brief moment for introspection will lead to a more thoughtful response.

2. Seek to Understand, Not to Be Understood: If a manager or colleague is taking the leap of faith to provide feedback, it’s not likely something you can just brush away with a defensive response. Instead, ask clarifying questions if needed and be curious about their point of view. 

3. Express Gratitude: I know what you’re thinking. You’re the one on the receiving end of feedback and I want you to be grateful? Yes. Feedback is fuel for growth and this person is giving you a full tank. A little appreciation can go a long way to manifesting a positive culture of feedback within your organization. 

All of us walk around with a lifetime of experiences and social interactions that have conditioned our responses to feedback. Generally, it happens with little effort or intention (I’ll be exploring this more in future articles). But with the pause in our arsenal, we have a fighting chance to overcome that initial reaction and find space to grow.

Your Homework: Ask for feedback and practice the pause!